


Memories

by Chericola



Category: Twilight
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 10:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chericola/pseuds/Chericola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fred deals with the aftermath of Bree's death and is plagued by visions of Bree that keep telling him to move on. Will he listen to them or will he stay where he is?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I always wondered what happened to Fred after he left the newborn army. So this is my idea of how his life might have been like.

Fred took in the scenery around him: the grass that was so green it seemed unrealistic; the old trees whose branches creaked with the howling wind. The wild flowers that grew in a blanket of rainbow, standing out against the greenery. The humans milling around on the sidewalk, chatting mindlessly, unaware of the lone figure hidden among the trees. Phantom images of Bree floated everywhere he looked. There was Bree crouched in the branches of the closest tree, smiling and gazing in awe at the beauty around her. There was Bree kneeling by the flower patch and gathering a dozen poppies into her slim arms. There was Bree close by his side, gazing up at him and smiling, and leaning closer to whisper something in his ear, something that he could not hear.

That bastard Riley had taken everything from him: his mortality, his freedom, and now Bree. It wasn't fair. Bree had had as much right to live in this world as anyone else. Why didn't they spare her?

'Why?' He yelled into the expanse of sky. 'Why did you let her die? I loved her and you let her die!' A flame of rage burnt through him, chasing away the grief for a moment. 'Damn you! Damn you, Riley!'

As suddenly as it appeared, the rage fled him, and he fell onto his knees, staring at the only patch of blue sky he could see amid the clouds. Everything was gone. Everything. He might as well just stay here and not move and hope that he sank into the earth and never surfaced.

oOo

He didn't know how long he knelt there, and he didn't care. All he could think about was Bree, and how she had died. Had it been quick? That was all he could ask. For certain it would have been painful. He prayed with his entire being that they had not let her suffer. She didn't deserve that.

A familiar voice drifted into his hearing. So familiar that his dead heart leapt to hear it. He opened his eyes slowly.

She stood before him, a pale figure in the clothes that she had been wearing when he had last seen her. Her eyes were dark pools of sadness.

It had to be a figment of his imagination. A hallucination. It had to be. There were no such things as ghosts. Were there?

She spoke, and her voice was filled with longing. 'It's time to go, Fred.'

'Go?' Fred gave a bitter laugh. 'There's nowhere to go. Not without you.'

She stared at him, and it was as if she could see into his soul.

'Look, I'm not going anywhere. I need to stay here,' Fred said before this strange hallucination could speak. 'I need to wait.' For Bree, he added to himself silently. He had to wait for Bree.

'Why am I even talking to you? You're just some hallucination my mind has found to cope with what's happening. I don't have to listen to myself,' he babbled.

His hallucination shook her head. 'You need to go now.'

'No, I don't!' Sudden panic claimed Fred. 'I can't go. Not yet. I can't! I have to wait.'

'But Fred…' she spoke, and it made his still heart ache to hear how much like Bree she sounded.

He turned away. 'No. Go away! Leave me alone!'

When he turned to look, she was gone.

oOo

It was as if he were living a nightmare. By staying in Vancouver, he thought he could overcome his memories, his longing for Bree. But it never lessened. Everywhere he went, he saw her. And each time he saw her, his pain intensified until he almost wished he had died alongside Bree. Why did I live and not her? The thought came unbidden into his mind.

Because you still have a chance. He did not know whether it was his own thought or not. It didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter any more.

oOo

'You're still here,' the ghostly voice broke through his agony. He opened his eyes, and said nothing as he stared at her standing opposite him on the other side of the deserted street, luminously glowing under the gaze of a street lamp. There was nothing to say.

He couldn't leave, not yet. Every time he thought of leaving it felt as if a part of his soul was being ripped away. But even so, the longer he stayed in Vancouver, the more he felt he was drowning in the agony and depression caused by Bree's death.

'Why are you still here, Fred?'she whispered. 'You need to go now.'

'There's nowhere to go,' he said hoarsely. 'I told you.'

'Why are you still here?'

'I told you!' he snapped. I need to wait for her. For Bree.

'There is nothing for you here.'

'Yes, there is!' he almost shouted. 'You don't understand.'

'Yes, I do.'

'No, you don't!' he said. 'I see her here. Everywhere. I need to stay here. For Bree.'

'Bree's not coming, though.'

'I know, but I still need to be here.'

'No, you don't.'

'There isn't anywhere else!' he said.

'You need to move on. There won't be any peace for you otherwise,' she said, her voice filled with sadness.

'Bree needs me.'

'Bree is dead.'

'I won't listen to you. I won't,' Fred said passionately. Why should he listen? A figment of his imagination was telling him what to do. He didn't have to listen to her. 'I have to stay here.'

'But she needs you…'The voice trailed away as the ghostly girl vanished into thin air, and Fred was left staring at the empty space. 'You must go…'

'No, I don't,' Fred muttered. 'Who does she think she is, telling me what to do?'

And so he walked away from the curb, and the memories consumed him once more.

oOo

Months passed. Winter turned into spring, and then into summer. As each month passed Fred felt a piece of himself break apart like shattered glass. As each month passed it felt as if he was losing his mind. Every time he saw Bree it seemed to pierce his heart and soul and sanity, and the waves of pain became almost too much to bear. He stopped smiling; it reminded him too much of Bree's smile. The pain consumed him until he felt he was an empty shell of himself.

More often than not, he would hear her voice whispering insistently in his ear, urging him to leave Vancouver, to forget about her. But Fred let the words wash over him. It was too late. He couldn't forget about her now, and he couldn't leave Vancouver. He could only stay in the city of memories, and wait for Bree to come to him.

oOo

'You're still here,' her voice rang clear as a bell in the darkness. Fred choked back a yell and dropped the half-drained body onto the pavement. Turning, he saw her drifting inches above the pavement, her dark hair whipped by the strong breeze. Inwardly he groaned. Not her again! Why couldn't she leave him alone?

'What are you doing here?' he demanded, crossing his arms across his chest, trying to look as aggressive as he could. 'I thought I made it clear last time that I never want to see you again.'

'You need to go Fred,' she said softly. 'She needs you.'

Fred felt months of pain build up inside of him. 'The only one who needs me is Bree,' he snapped. 'And you're not helping right now. You could tell me who needs me, and where I have to go, but instead you whisper some cryptic message to me and disappear like a phantom in the night!'

She stared impassively at him as he ranted. 'You need to find that out for yourself, Fred,' she said.

He clenched his fists, could feel the venom fill his mouth. 'More cryptic messages! If you can't tell me something I can understand then go away. I don't need you telling me how to run my life.'

'If you don't go you'll regret it for the rest of your life,' she said.

He let out a hard breath. Great, now she was lecturing him on his future! 'All right! If you want me to go so badly, then at least give me a hint.'

Her mouth opened, and the sound that came out was so soft that Fred was forced to lean in until her lips were inches from his ear. And then he heard it. 'Ireland.'

oOo

It was a beautiful, humid summer's day when he left Canada. As the plane lifted from the runway the sun burst through the clouds, beaming down upon the passengers in the plane. It was as if the world was rejoicing. He was finally leaving Vancouver, finally leaving the memories of Bree that drifted around every corner. Maybe now he could start anew, and forget about Bree Tanner and the hole that she had carved in his heart.

In Ireland, he wandered. He wandered for days and weeks and months. He visited every town in Ireland, learnt the history of the Irish people, and visited every tourist hotspot he could find. But it was no use. Nothing could distract him from the gnawing pain in his heart, and the grief that engulfed him every time he saw a slight dark haired human girl walk past him. Nothing could stop his intense guilt. He should have insisted that she come with him, on that fateful day. He shouldn't have let her go.

Sometimes, he would feel her presence as he hunted, or when he sat in one of Ireland's many forests. He would feel her wanting to say something, but she never said anything. She simply stood there. As if she was waiting. But for what? Fred wondered, but never had an answer.

oOo

What am I doing here? Fred paced from one end of the clearing to the other, frustrated. What is the point of all this?

'I'm wasting my time here,' he muttered. Snow was falling, and he still had no clue why he was in Ireland. What was the point of staying there?

'Fred,' a familiar voice said. He spun around to stare at his hallucination. 'You can't give up.'

'You belong here,' she said. The words seemed to echo around the tiny clearing.

'Give me a sign,' he begged. 'Tell me where I belong.'

She shook her head, and his heart sank. But then she lifted one arm and pointed into the wilderness east of the clearing.

He didn't bother to say thank you. He just ran.

oOo

'I am Siobhan, and this is my mate Liam, and our newest coven member, Maggie,' the Irish vampire spoke, but Fred barely registered her words as she pointed to a strong hard-faced vampire and finally to a small female vampire with bouncy red curls and a wide, excited grin. The grin was infectious and he found himself smiling back. As they stood facing each other while the snow fell like soft white bullets onto the dull countryside around them, already covered with patches of snow, he only had eyes for her. Maggie. The one with the gamine grin and hair as red as the roses he had seen his father give to his mother as a gift, to tell her he loved her. Before the fateful day when he stopped loving her.

Maggie. The name lodged permanently in his mind, a safe haven, chasing away the painful memories of Bree and filling his mind with the sight, scent and sounds of the vampire that stood before him now. Maggie.

She stared at him, eyes like crimson saucers, her smile fading as she noticed him gazing at her. 'Why are you staring at me?'

You idiot, Fred. 'I'm sorry,' he stammered, thankful that vampires could not blush. 'It's just...I mean...You're so beautiful...I couldn't tear my eyes away from you.' If he were human, he knew his cheeks would have been beet-root red. What had he just said? How could he be so stupid?

Nerves strained all around as Maggie silently absorbed his words, a thoughtful expression on her face. The hard faced Liam growled menacingly deep in his throat, and crouched to spring. Siobhan placed a cautionary hand on his shoulder, but her face was anxious.

'I'm sorry,' Fred said. Guilt charred at him now. 'I shouldn't have come. I should go...' He turned towards the dark earthy forest. It was best, he told himself, if he went on his way. After all, he was a nomad. He had the whole world to explore. But if he left, he would be alone again. Without Maggie. And his mind and soul continue to rot underneath the memories until there would be nothing left but dark soot. Despite it all, he took a step forward.

'Wait! Don't go!' Maggie's strangled voice broke through the silence like a balloon exploding. Everyone jumped slightly, including him.

Slowly, holding his breath, he turned to face her.

She met his gaze resolutely, her crimson eyes wild with conflicting emotions. 'Please don't go,' she whispered. 'Please.'

'He's telling the truth,' she said, her pleading eyes meeting Siobhan's. 'He is sincere about his intentions. Please let him stay!'

Siobhan stared at her youngest coven member for a long moment. A certain comprehension glittered mysteriously in her eyes, and she smiled. 'Of course, Maggie.' She turned to Fred. 'You may stay, if you wish.' Liam nodded agreement.

Fred's heart felt as if it would burst with joy. 'Thank you.' He smiled widely at the three Irish vampires, his eyes lingering on Maggie's tiny form smiling back at him. Suddenly, though he had no gift for seeing the future, he could see his own future quite clearly. Maggie featured in it, of course, his Maggie with the bouncy curls and cheerful exterior. They would fall in love one day. They would marry. And he would not be alone anymore. The thought made his already wide smile even wider.

'Are you ready?' Maggie stood before him, one hand outstretched. 'I will show you around.'

He looked at her, his life, and nodded. 'Yes. I am ready.'

And so he took her hand and let her lead him into his future.

oOo

It felt good, sitting on the grass lawn outside Siobhan, Liam and Maggie's home—now his home—feeling Maggie's slight body leaning against his, their hands brushing together, watching as the sky darkened and the stars appeared. It felt amazing, the comfort and desire her touch gave him. Already he longed to hold her, kiss her, but he had promised her they would do it right: dating first, then making-out, then engagement, then marriage and finally sex. He had been to Maggie's demands; he wanted her to be happy, and this was what she had wanted. A human experience of falling in love.

He heard Maggie's happy sigh as they both gazed at the millennia of stars. He pointed out a couple of stars to her: Sirius, the North Star, Orion, and was pleased to see her listening attentively, her eyes alight with curiosity. No one in his human life had ever understood his fascination with space and science; for all these years he had been labelled a geek because of his love of science, and because of his introversion. Even during his time as a vampire in Seattle, he had been shunned and feared because of his 'gift', the ability to repulse others. Only Bree had dared come close to him.

Fred smiled. Now everything had changed. Maggie, Liam and Siobhan did not judge him or fear him because of his gift and his awkward ways. They had welcomed him into their coven, without any judgement at all, to his relief, even when he had told them of his life in the newborn army in Seattle. Siobhan had been thrilled that Maggie had found a mate after all these years. The only spot of trouble had been Liam. For a few weeks, Liam had acted very territorial towards Fred. At first it had angered him, but Siobhan had told him that Liam had acted the same way towards Maggie when she had first joined them, and that he would calm down after a while, and Fred had relaxed. It had become clear to him that Siobhan was the coven leader, and so if she accepted him into the coven the others had to as well.

He looked at Maggie, glowing and leaning against him comfortably. Maggie was so different from Bree, and yet also so similar. Because of her, the hole in his heart was gone, and he was no longer an empty shell. Each day had ceased to be an agonizing reminder of Bree's death, but now reminded him of Maggie. Now, instead of dreading the dawn of each day, he was looking forward to them, seeing in them a beauty beyond words. Now, instead of wanting to die, he wanted to live. For Maggie.

He met her gaze. 'What were you thinking?' she asked, smiling.

'I was just thinking of my life up to now,' Fred said honestly. 'Thinking of how lucky I am to be here. Here with you.'

He could see Maggie's smile widen, feel her joy as if it were his own. 'I am glad to have met you, Fred,' Maggie said. 'I'm glad you stayed.'

A grin spread across his face. 'I'm glad, too.' He looked away, unable to bear the desire the sight of her luscious mouth gave him, and caught the gaze of his hallucination, the ghostly girl, who now sat in a tree on the other side of the suburban street, smiling at him. He could not look away, not for a second. Instead of her usual deep sadness, her face glowed with pure joy, giving her a luminous beauty. It was that beauty which Fred had loved about Bree, in Seattle. No matter what situation, Bree had always seemed full of joy, even when in danger.

She opened her mouth, and Fred read the silent words that she spoke on her lips. 'Goodbye Fred. I hope you'll be happy now.'

'I will be,' he whispered, knowing she could hear. 'And thank you.'

'You're on your own now, Fred.'

He saw her nod, and vanish, and he had a feeling he would never see her again. Emotions swirled inside of him. The final reminder of Bree was gone. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, whether to feel grief over her loss, happiness over his good fortune, or trepidation over her final words. He truly was on his own now.

Then he remembered Maggie. He wasn't on his own, really. He had a mate in Maggie, and a family in the Irish coven. They would support him, be there for him, no matter what the cost. He would never be on his own again.

Briefly, he wondered if that was the reason his hallucination sent him to Maggie, Siobhan and Liam. Had she known that they would need each other? Probably. But as Fred gazed at Maggie now, he decided that it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was there, with Maggie, and he was happy. In the end, that was all that he cared about.

'Fred?' Maggie's voice called him back to reality. 'Are you okay?'

He glanced at her worried face and smiled. 'Yeah, I'm fine. What were you saying?' For he realized now that Maggie had been trying to get his attention for a while.

'I want to show you something. Something special. I think you'll like it. Do you want to see?'

'Yes,' Fred said immediately. 'Definitely.'

'Great!' Maggie beamed. She leapt to her feet. 'Let's go then!' She sprinted down the street, past the tree where Fred had last seen his hallucination of Bree.

Without thinking, Fred leapt to his feet and followed her.


End file.
